The Often Inconvenient Gift of Intuition with Libby Stockstill
Libby Stockstill built the life she was supposed to want: law degree, leadership roles at companies like Vans, Billabong, and Vuori, the "perfect-looking" family. Then a suspected thyroid cancer diagnosis, and a surgeon's careless line about her voice, forced a question she'd been avoiding: are you using your voice the way you always felt called to? The answer was no.
In this episode that dives into the Awareness of Intuition, Libby and Cecily talk about writing in secret under a pseudonym, the sign on the trail that finally made Libby’s decision clear, and why following your intuition is rarely tidy. It's messy, it's inconvenient, and as Libby puts it, there's nothing more empowering than deciding you're worth the cost.
Libby is the Founder & CEO of Some Days, where she blends life and leadership coaching, writing, speaking, and retreats to help people move past what's in the way and live the life they long for. She is also writing her first novel; a midlife coming of age, exploring the idea of what success means and the central question – What if having it all means losing it all? Additionally, her poem, “Under” was just selected for publication in the upcoming 2026-27 San Diego Poetry Annual anthology
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Credits:
Host: Cecily Mak
Producer: Joanne Elgart Jennings
Composer & Sound Alchemist: Laura Inserra
Editor: Kai Heartlife
Social Media & Marketing: Megan Belden
Chapters:
0:46 Welcome to Undimmed and the third awareness, Intuition
4:08 Who Libby is today: making space to say yes to life
5:29 How Cecily and Libby met
7:18 Finding her voice as a leader and a creative
9:52 From corporate lawyer to following her intuition
10:50 “Oh snail, climb Mount Fuji”: how Vans brought her back to writing
13:28 Writing in private under a pseudonym
15:17 Building the brave muscle
17:03 Noticing how wine pulled her away from writing
19:26 The thyroid diagnosis that asked whether she was using her voice
22:35 Libby’s alcohol-free story
27:34 The first 30 days alcohol-free
28:56 Going alcohol-free with her husband, and quieting the inner critic
30:04 Braver without alcohol
34:25 Walking away from her career: the trail, her dog Bubbles and the raven
39:26 “Listen to yourself,” and why the story is messy
41:09 Why this conversation matters now
42:12 Practice: acting on the intuitive hit
43:08 What she’d tell her 2019 self, and how she resets in nature
44:48 Walks without inputs
46:38 What’s next: the novel
47:27 Where to find Libby
Libby Stockstill 0:00
I was diagnosed with suspected thyroid cancer. They were recommending I take out half or all of my thyroid. I said, you know, what are the risks? And they're like, well, the like very rare circumstances cutting your vocal cord and like literally losing your voice. And then they said like permanently. Like permanently. And then they were like, but you don't really use it anyway. Do you? And I was like, what do you think I do as a leader and a lawyer? But like I talk all the time. But the deeper message was kind of this like spooky out of body. Like, are you using your voice the way that you always knew, like you've always kind of felt called to do? And the answer was no.
Cecily Mak 0:46
That's Libby Stock still. She spent many years as a corporate lawyer, uh, leader, and executive. She's someone who built a career around using her voice. So when a physician told her she might not be actually using her voice at all, it stung. And it stung because she had a sense that he was probably right. When she told me the story, uh it really got to me. I could relate because I've been on my own thyroid health journey for a few years. It struck me because I had to really work through some of those related feelings about using my voice or not in choosing to pick up the second season of Undimmed. I often note that intuition can be super inconvenient. It can be messy. Sometimes we know that something isn't quite right in our lives, professionally, personally, with our health. Instead of listening to that, we reach for something to turn that voice down. It could be a scroll, it could be a glass of wine, it could be dessert. When we finally start listening, it can really shake things up. Libby chose to listen. Hello and welcome to Undimmed, a podcast about living with presence. I'm Cecily Mack. This season we're exploring the eight awarenesses, a framework we can all use to rearrange our relationship with unhealthy habits. Today we're talking about one of the awarenesses that is particularly near and dear to me. The third awareness, intuition. The full awareness or mantra is my intuition defines my priorities and I pursue a life that reflects them. In this conversation with Libby, she tells us about how she listened to her intuition in a way that transformed her entire life, one baby step at a time. As I mentioned, Libby practiced corporate law at the highest levels in some companies and brands many of us know and love. She was the general counsel at both Billabong and Vans, and most recently the chief legal officer at Viore. She has more recently founded Some Days, a company that offers life and leadership coaching from retreats that she herself hosts in the forest. And in her spare time, she's writing her first novel. We talk about Libby finding her voice as both a writer and a leader, about her choices to live alcohol-free, and her partnership with her husband along the way. She also shares that she felt more brave without alcohol. Finally, she opens up in a really tender way about some of the little steps involved in leaving the career that she had spent so much of her life building and the way that she makes space for herself every day. So we're gonna just roll into this conversation.
Speaker 4:07
Okay.
Cecily Mak 4:08
I thought as a start, we could ask you to tell us your current version of who's Libby Stockstill. You are not the stunning corporate executive that we can read in your bio. I know you have other identities, but how would you introduce yourself today?
Libby Stockstill 4:29
Oh, I mean, still exploring is how I would probably introduce myself. I mean, it's like so many things. And I I am thinking of I was talking to a friend and she said, like creating space to say yes to life. So that is that is what I am doing today, and how that shows up. I have a company called Some Days where I do integrated life and leadership coaching, writing, speaking, workshops, retreats. I'm also working on a novel. I'm also a mother and a wife and a daughter and a friend, and service and you know, doing what I can to try to make the world look more like I believe it can and should hopefully look, is really important to me. So trying to find space, I think of it like shifting the kaleidoscope to make room for all these parts that are really important to me. Amazing. Amazing.
Cecily Mak 5:29
And we connected, just a little context for the listeners. We connected because in January I was on this kind of wild multi-stop tour around launching the book. And you and I were in the same room at a book event in a home down in Southern California.
Speaker 5:47
Yeah.
Cecily Mak 5:48
And I kind of noticed you uh in the crowd anyway. I don't know why, but you have a light about you. And we had made eye contact a couple times throughout the evening, and then we spoke at the end for a while, and you told me about your coaching business and your retreat, and then you shared a little bit about your journey and how you ended up being interested in this topic, which would lead you to a book talk in some stranger's home. And I just thought, wow, we need to continue this conversation. Yeah. And we did, we had a Zoom, which I recall being a super juicy seed planting hour or so. Like, wow, the number of things that we discovered we have had in common and continue to as we kind of forge our way and craft our way through this path is uh not something we get to stumble into every day. I found I learned a lot from you very quickly in that first sitting. And when it arose to maybe have you on this podcast, it felt like such a full yes. I I had not only in me, yes, I really want to have Libby on this podcast, but when I invited you, maybe we even talked about it on that Zoom a little bit, it seemed like very clear, strong signal for you too. Yeah. So I want to start with what is it that you are doing or tapping into that's both inspiring you and giving you the courage to share a bit of your experiences?
Libby Stockstill 7:18
Yeah. Um, and my heart is like racing as you say that because it it doesn't come naturally. But I as I as I really sat and meditated on all of this and why I too got this full-body yes, when I met you, I felt like the synchronicity, like you were speaking my language. And then I remember you saying, you know, and like intuition can be really inconvenient. I was like, oh my gosh, I have so much to say. Um, but I when I sat with it, I realized that I've kind of been on this journey and this is all a part of it. My undimmed journey, my, you know, everything that came before today has been a part of me trying to find my voice as a leader and a creative. And, you know, growing up in a world where, you know, I was a sensitive, full of emotion, writing, you know, moody poetry in my bedroom and dreaming of novels and movies. And then like also feeling like I'm maybe too much or not enough. And like that is a dangerous thing, and you know, better to make sure you're pleasing everyone, make sure you're as perfect as can be. And there's always been this tension uh between the feeling and the voice, and feeling like, you know, the world needs change. And I feel very strongly like my voice is a part of that, is meant to be a part of that. And yet the conditioning of like using my voice being the very last thing that feels like something I could do. So I've been trying to be brave, and my undimmed journey is a part of that. It unlocked a lot.
Speaker 9:03
Yeah.
Libby Stockstill 9:03
Um, I love how you talk about the multiple awarenesses though, because they're the multiple dimmers too, because yeah, it's a journey that I think I'll probably always be on.
Cecily Mak 9:13
Yeah. No, I know I've heard from many people that, you know, we we discover this particular dimmer and we kind of rearrange our relationship with it after a certain amount of awareness, and we think we're in this new space, and maybe we are. Yeah. But then, you know, months or maybe even years go by, and we realize we're patterning, but just with a different thing.
Speaker 9:33
Yeah.
Cecily Mak 9:34
And maybe even avoiding the same thing that we were so self-congratulatory about facing at some point. Um your story's an amazing one. Let's go to that story because so you and I both have legal training. We both did the law firm thing.
Speaker 9:51
Yeah.
Cecily Mak 9:52
We both went in-house. You were at three awesome companies, which our listeners will recognize. I think it's uh Viore, Billabong, and Vans. But something seems like it shifted both with your career and your life. And I had a similar thing. It was sort of, I think of mine as kind of a needle across the record or a tectonic plates shift moment for me when a few things unlocked at once. Can you tell us about how you went from that very compliant, productive, reliable, kind of socially and culturally celebrated, stable provider role, which we both would have it in, to doing something as radical and transformative as following your intuition, even when it means not everybody is gonna like what that means.
Libby Stockstill 10:50
Yeah. I mean, so mine, I feel like there were moments that feel like that tectonic shift needle across the record, but for much of it, I felt like it was more. I have a guiding haiku that came to me my like early weeks on a there was a uh Zen app and it popped up right as I was taking on this, my first in-house role. And it was, oh snail, climb Mount Fuji, but slowly, slowly. It was it, and I felt like I was climbing Mount Fuji. I was, you know, just jove in the deep end. And I think about baby steps, and and so, you know, I can look back when I when I went to Vance, actually, it was like this huge, huge kind of catalyst for so much change. You know, I I after being that moody teenager, I kind of shoved the poetry and the writing away. But you would catch me saying, you know, someday I'll write, someday I want to write the next great American novel. But I literally only wrote contracts and emails. And I had reasons why I wasn't writing, right? I had this big job and then I had a baby, and um, you know, I'm a mom and all the things. And I got to van's, and their corporate purpose is enabling creative expression. And all these other people with big jobs, some of them families, were doing their creative things. Sometimes even at lunch, we had somebody that was painting and taught the strategy team to paint. And I realized and my intuition was like, huh, like maybe there's a choice here, and you just keep choosing one way. And so I challenged myself to either stop saying I was gonna write someday or write someday soon. And I did. I started in private, and that really it changed my leadership, it changed my awareness, you know, um, as sitting with your thoughts and feelings and you know, alchemizing them into words and expression tends to do. And so that really opened something up. I went back to my right brain and, you know, like knocked on the door. Um, yeah. And so, I mean, all these growth edges, right? As a leader, as a creative, trying to merge these voices of being the lawyer, but you know, I was surrounded by creatives, which is by, you know, I think I followed that intuition so that I could be in places where my right brain was woken back up. Yeah. You said something there that I found intriguing.
Cecily Mak 13:28
You said you started writing in private.
Libby Stockstill 13:31
Oh, yes.
Cecily Mak 13:32
Tell us about that.
Libby Stockstill 13:34
Um, well, no one was ever gonna see this, you know. I mean, the again, like the idea of sharing my thoughts and opinions and experiences with other people that might not think that that was the best thing, you know, whether it was written well, was just like a hard no. Like it was a full body, like absolutely no way. But then at the same time, I really wanted to. And so I would write and I would think, you know, well, maybe who knows? Maybe someday I'll share this. And then I even, I even created a website, but I did it under a pseudonym and I I made a an email address that nobody could ever trace back to me. And that's how I set it up because then it was in the world, but nobody could ever connect it to me. And then baby step by baby step, I started bringing those together.
Cecily Mak 14:25
Well, this is another thing I'm discovering now. We share when I started my Instagram for the first time in 2018. I was just less than a year into my own alcohol-free journey, and I had things I wanted to say and things I wanted to share, and things I thought might be helpful, or just needed to express and I didn't want them attached to my name. Yeah. And so I did the same thing. I started an anonymous account, I tied it to an email that no one could ever trace to me. And you know, as the years have passed, they're more and more open and intricately woven with one another. But um, I think for listeners who are tinkering or kind of flirting with a different outlet or a different expression, it could be any form, really. Yeah. Ours seems to be writing and maybe images, but um, we can start to play in those spaces without having to attach it to ourselves yet.
Libby Stockstill 15:17
And that doesn't mean we'll always be anonymous. Totally. And I I think of it as building the brave muscle. You know, like the first time I pushed publish on a poem, I like I couldn't sleep that night. It didn't even attach to me, but it was it was so scary. And then it's okay. Yeah, and you make it through and you realize, oh, I can I can do that. Yeah. And you build that muscle and you keep building that muscle. Yeah. And then, you know, you can do more and more things as you do that.
Cecily Mak 15:48
Is it other people's enthusiasm or praise or support that helps the muscle build? Or is it the lack of maybe feared criticism or commentary?
Libby Stockstill 16:01
What builds it for you? It's what my intuition is saying right now is it's the I am. It's the it's the seeing that I can do it and be okay. Wow. And actually like realize that I'm stronger than I know. There's like a little bit of like wild rubb in me that likes to, I don't know, my husband likes to do sort of like extreme hiking, and I like to do sort of extreme vulnerable brief. They're both hard. They're both really hard. Yes.
Cecily Mak 16:32
They're both hard. That's great. I hope they celebrate each other. Yes, we do. So this other this other piece that emerged for you, I and I believe connected to this, but you'll have to tell us, was around really finding your voice. And I remember you're sharing a story about a physician saying to you, Oh, well, you don't use that anyway. Yeah.
Libby Stockstill7:01
Can you tell us that story?
Libby Stockstill 17:03
I can tell you that story, yes. So I had been dabbling in my hidden writing and getting farther and farther along with it and having all these thoughts, um, doing a lot of mindfulness work and kind of coming into the year, feeling like maybe I want to re-examine my relationship with alcohol. Maybe, you know, I started to see how I would lose the mindfulness tether with that glass of wine that I thought was going to help me drop in. Wait, slow down. Tell me about that. Oh, well, that was wild. So I was writing a lot in 2020, you know, and not going very many places. Pandemic. Yes. Yeah. And I could literally see, you know, it would be evening or close enough, right? And I'd think, oh, you know, I I always thought like Hemingway, you know, like, oh yes, I will, I will have my glass of something. So romantic. So romantic. And I would, you know, I'm writing now. And then I would, I mean, I have ADHD too. So like this combination, I really wasn't dropping into my mindfulness at all. And it was very, again, impossible to ignore that I'd have the glass of wine and stop writing. You know, it was, it was very easy to just walk away from the computer then. So I was, I was noticing this because I was in enough stillness to see what I did, you know, notice my patterns. Yeah.
Cecily Mak 18:32
That's the first most important, most under celebrated feature of any undimmed exploration. Totally. The more and more I go through this myself and talk to people, it's just noticing.
Libby Stockstill8:47
Literally.
Libby Stockstill 18:48
Yes. The noticing is so important. It's so important. And I say that in my coaching too. I mean, my clients hear me say it. I'm like, noticing is the most important thing.
Cecily Mak 18:57
Wow.
Libby Stockstill 18:57
Um, and then like not beating yourself up about it, you know, noticing with compassion and grace and curiosity.
Cecily Mak 19:04
Yes.
Libby Stockstill 19:04
And openness.
Cecily Mak 19:06
Yeah. Yeah. Not going to judgment, not going to shame, not going to regret. Just, oh, isn't that interesting? Yeah. I try to say that to myself a lot, sometimes even out loud. Yeah. Isn't that interesting? Okay. So you started noticing that your your creative pursuits were not benefiting from nightly wine.
Libby Stockstill 19:26
Yeah. And, you know, you mentioned shame. And I also, you know, I really didn't want to admit that one or notice that one. But I think that that it's important to say out loud because, you know, I had a lot of shame around my big feelings. And then I also realized I have a lot of shame around the things that I do to numb those big feelings. And that felt really important in connection with both my creative voice and my leadership voice, like just letting that go. So anyway, I'm in this journey and I was diagnosed with suspected thyroid cancer. And they were recommending I take out half or all of my thyroid. And I was like, wait a minute, what? Like I feel like I need more information. I said, you know, what are the risks? And they're like, well, the like very rare circumstances cutting your vocal cord and like literally losing your voice. And then they said like permanently. Like permanently. And then they were like, but you don't really use it anyway. Do you? And I was like, what do you think I do as a leader and a lawyer? But like I talk all the time. But the deeper message was kind of this like spooky out of body. Like, are you using your voice the way that you always knew, like you've always kind of felt called to do? And the answer was no.
unknown 20:53
Yeah.
Libby Stockstill 20:54
You know, I had these like secret websites. Oh, yeah. The secret website. And I was getting braver. You know, I was I was getting up on stage. I shared a poem. I was asked to um write a letter to my younger self as an executive sponsor of our women's ERG, and it just wanted to be a poem. And I thought, it can't be a poem. And I kept starting it, and the only thing the pen, only thing that would come out was a poem.
Cecily Mak1:19
Wow.
Libby Stockstill 21:19
And so I was doing these things, but not fast enough. You know, it was not not that it's a race, but I just wasn't stepping into, I knew when they asked that question, the answer was no. And it felt like, okay, like I see this. I'm not going out like that. You know, I do use it. Thank you very much. I'm going to start using it right now. And I started making intentional choices in that direction, including walking away from alcohol, but also, you know, saying yes to opportunities that felt like they aligned with my values, stepping into bigger and bigger things and ultimately. putting my words out there under my name and and owning it. Well well somewhat. It felt really, really powerful and guided and spiritual and and like for me intuition is deeply spiritual. You know, I feel like it it comes from inside, but also feels very deeply connected, you know, to s to something bigger. And yeah. So kind of continuing to pull that thread of wow, you know, my my body, my intuition are saying really important things. And I need to start learning how to listen.
Cecily Mak 22:35
Yeah. Amazing. I want to get into your story a little bit on is it as far as it relates to alcohol, which we haven't actually talked about in a lot of detail. So I'm genuinely very curious. When did your relationship with that dimmer start? And how how did you yourself shift? I know that the term alcohol free was as liberating for you as it felt for me later. Yeah. Instead of the many other terms we can all lean into. But tell us tell us your story arc many people listening to this podcast are kind of examining the relationship with alcohol, have curiosity or trying to not be judgmental or black and white.
Cecily Mak3:14
Yeah.
Cecily Mak 23:15
And hearing how other people are figuring it out is so helpful.
Libby Stockstill 23:20
Yeah. Well I mean, gosh, I think like many people, I grew up in a world where alcohol was like how you have fun, you know, and it's sparkly and you see all the commercials. Even now, you know, the people are like running and then grabbing their beer and it's all healthy and and then you know wine is supposed to be great for your heart and that's like you know all of these things. And I think it was just very much naturally a part of a social life, you know, like I started my career in New York City and you know there was very often a glass of something when you went out to dinner, when you went out and you know like all of the things or more than a glass um all the things. Never just one. No you do um but you know I just honestly um never really thought anything of it. Like it was just part of it is what you do. Yeah. And and then you know starting to notice that it takes up quite a bit of mental real estate you know first like the mindfulness but also just the okay well I'm noticing the mindfulness. Well maybe I'll just have a glass of wine. Oh should I but it's Wednesday should I have a glass of wine on Wednesday? Should I have a second glass of wine on Wednesday? Right. And like the just amount of energy going towards these you know decision fatigue ultimately felt like not the best use. Yeah. And also you know like I said not feeling great you know whether it's about the choice and then starting to wonder like why am I giving this so much energy? What is that you know so just curious and at the same time not really feeling like there was a universe in which I would voluntarily choose not to be sparkly. And I went on a walk with a friend and I I don't remember even how it came up but she just mentioned oh yeah you know I'm alcohol free you know some people are sugar free some people are gluten free. I'm alcohol free I drink as much as I want. And I was like what like say more about this and she oh there's no rock bottom you know I she read this book uh This Naked Mind by Annie Grace and it's like okay tell you know I'm like writing all of my notes and I was just I was very very curious. So I started listening to this book and then I also said to my husband um who was sparkly with me right um you should you should probably give this a listen too and it it it just was a total paradigm shift of oh maybe it's not like a penalty box where I have to give away my sparkle like what if what if there's like something else available what if um what if life might actually be better without the stimmer in my life right and I I didn't you know I I feel I feel fortunate because this all happened in 2021 when um we weren't we were still not like fully back in like integrated like going out all the time um life not that we go out all the time anyway but we had a little bit of a moment to experiment with this just in a little cocoon. You know I I had my last drink two days before my husband did. And then it was sort of this like awe of like are we really doing this? Oh my gosh. You know, has it really been 30 days? Oh my gosh. And it was just kind of like oh look at us like this is kind of interesting. I feel great do you feel great um and then we were totally those people that you talked this is the best thing ever.
Cecily Mak 27:00
How do people not know about this? We need a new we need a great term for that stage.
Libby Stockstill 27:04
I know but it but it like but there was such a beauty in it because like we had met at a party you know like there was a sparkly alcoholic through line you know where there was like always a cocktail or a glass of wine on like our dates and our you know so there was this like really beautiful wonder of like oh my gosh like we both thought that this would always be a part of our lives and we're both like choosing not to and and then discovering what's there.
Cecily Mak 27:34
What was that first 30 days experience like for you? What do you remember?
Libby Stockstill 27:40
Oh I mean it started a little like it started a little bit before my surgery I I wanted to think like as soon as I got the diagnosis I was like oh this is the moment that I get healthy but it it wasn't um yeah so it was just like I mean again baby steps at first of like okay and um things that really helped actually were um kind of like substitutes like my my husband loves a non-alcoholic beer and um I love um ritual you know I I would I'd make myself a fun celebratory cocktail and it would be non-alcoholic and um I'd put kombucha in a champagne glass and call it shambucha and um and just kind of like having fun with it and that helped because it it I don't know I think it was a bridge that felt maybe important. Yeah. Yeah yeah then we'd like cook and we'd go places and we'd wake up early and drive and go on hikes and we'd do all these things that when alcohol was more central like you'd probably wouldn't necessarily do or at least not do in the same way. So we started having all these new experiences that were like really great.
Cecily Mak 28:56
Wow incredible and you're so fortunate and I'm sure there was some work involved on this too that you had your person to do it with you. Yeah. Do you think you would have still done it or stayed with it if he wasn't a willing participant I do.
Libby Stockstill 29:13
Um I do because it felt really good. It felt really good to not, you know, some of the work that I've done personally and then do with clients is hearing your inner critic I mean that was like always the the barb that would get me from my inner critic and it was really nice to just remove that from its repertoire um and that felt so good that I didn't I I just I can't imagine giving it back. But I do know it would have been so much harder and I know that I know that that is very much a reality for a lot of people navigating this question and this choice.
Cecily Mak 29:48
Yeah.
Libby Stockstill 29:49
So yeah I think it it would certainly make it harder.
Cecily Mak 29:52
Tell us a little bit more about that barb that inner critic was it pointing to the fact that you'd had a drink or two the evening before and shaming you? Like what was that conversation like?
Libby Stockstill 30:04
Yeah like you must have been tipsy or you know like I the number of times that I thought about this like I think there would be those times where I'd like have a glass of wine and be talking about things that felt like wild and big and huge and like maybe that was my intuition coming out with my inhibitions lowered but wake up the next day and it would be like you're drunk. Oh yeah that was you know can't take that seriously um and I don't know how much you've worked with your inner critic but the inner critic says all sorts of horrible things so it's got plenty to to go where that came from yeah but that one for some like it it carried a lot of charge for me. So it's funny because one of the things that I found like you you hear about liquid courage and the lowering of the inhibitions but I was able to be so much braver when I let it go. Ooh say more about that. Well I mean all these wild things that I would not allow myself to do I think in part because there was so much shame and like shame and vulnerability together is like a very potent cocktail you know um so to be on the other side of it and realize I'm stronger than that you know and and um and I can do it. And it isn't the the glass of wine I had talking it's actually it's actually me this is me you know and I'm gonna start honoring her. That's so interesting.
Cecily Mak 31:44
So before you paused alcohol you would see or sense ambitions and you wouldn't trust them. But then when you stopped drinking you realized they were actually the authentic you that's beautiful I don't hear that from people very much that the the the shedding of the inhibitions is actually something that people feel exactly as you frame it. It's that liquid courage I could get out on the stage I could do the comedy night I could give the toast at the wedding because I had a drink or two. Now I'm thinking about it I remember one of those I gave a toast or stood up and said a few words at a school reunion a number of years ago. And I most certainly would not have been able to do it had I not had at least a drink or two before because I was so nervous in this crowd. It was this kind of international crowd and this very spectacular venue and I remember thinking like I'm gonna do this. And you would think I would have some positive experience of that memory today, but I really don't because it wasn't from a clear place. I don't even actually remember exactly what I said. I think I just was high on the notion of having enough courage to do something that felt uncomfortable because I'd had a couple drinks and given the opportunity it would be so interesting to go back to some of these times and see what would come out if it was coming from our truer being yeah well and did you ever like when you had that experience did you question it later like oh I went I hope I was okay. I hope they couldn't I hope I of course my brother made fun of me the next day for feeling like I had to grab the mic and you know it was really not an all unpleasant experience. And you're right I think I am actually oddly more courageous about doing risky things without a dimmer of some sort to kind of quote take the edge off.
Libby Stockstill 33:52
Well yeah because you can you can trust yourself more at least that's what I find and also you know as you move through undimming in any way you start to learn how to sit with uncomfortable things. So fear is an uncomfortable thing yeah but when you sit with uncomfortable things all the time it it gets easier or I don't even somebody asked me like does it ever get easy? I'm like not for me. It's a muscle it's another muscle it's another muscle but I also like to keep moving you know I'm baby stepping so I gotta keep going I gotta keep going.
Cecily Mak 34:25
Yeah you know one of the things that you have written about that is is related to this is this notion of being authentic and vulnerable enough to be okay with not being perfect. This like aligning your life with your values was only possible when you were sufficiently guided by your intuition to be perfectly fine with not everybody liking it.
Libby Stockstill 34:55
Oh I don't know that I'm perfectly fine but I but I'm building the muscle yeah yeah it's hard I mean do you have an example of that? Walking away from my secure successful career and identity that I'd painstakingly built over decades. Yeah I mean that was by far the biggest and most important thing I've done and probably the hardest. And intuition played a big role in that very big role yeah how living into our intuition can feel like driving with a learner's permit you know like like you know it when it's a full bodied yes but sometimes when it's like a no you're like and you write about this and I think it's so helpful that you do like is it fear? Is it trauma? You know I'm a coach is it resistance is is this a leadership lesson do I pull a tool from my toolkit or is this my intuition and there were kind of increasingly wild signs that felt like the you know those like caution uh barriers and in the movies like the car just blows through them and the wood goes everywhere. Like I kept having these and then finding a rational explanation because you know our our left logic brain is very well trained as a lawyer especially and seeing both sides of something um but ultimately this this kind of knowing and not knowing started taking a real toll on um really everything that mattered to me my my health my family I was losing my light um and eventually um so much so that I had to take a step back and I realized that I needed to focus on healing. And that was on the heels of a move for work. I uprooted my whole life and I I found myself in this place of needing to heal and kind of this intense reckoning. And I hear this a lot now so I'll just say it out loud because I think it's important to say the the am I crazy especially as a woman right like am I crazy and you know who wouldn't want this I'm doing all the things I worked so hard to get here I can't you know this this tension between this intuition and like all that I had done to get to this place all that I had sacrificed all that it could mean and really in this tension and on this healing journey and I found myself on a trail in my adopted hometown of Idlewild walking with Bubbles my German shepherd and she is like still puppy energy pulling the whole way and I get a ping about something work related and my whole body like seizes and like tears come and I'm they come then my logic brain kicks in and I start trying to figure out okay how can I do this while still honoring myself and da da da and I'm just like back in it right like cheerleader how do you do this perfectly how do you figure it all out and we're walking and my bubbles my dog stops abruptly which she like has never happened before and she looks to the right like down the little cliff into the trees and I'm like what is there? Oh no what and and I I look and there's this giant raven and the raven is still bubbles is still I am still I'm like what's happening and then like take a breath and the raven just spreads their wings and flies away and like in that moment which happened to be the eve of an eclipse on the eve of my 44th birthday which my therapist had told me was my angel birthday um I just instantly had this clarity that there was no perfectly choreographing this it was going to be imperfect and I had to leave. Yeah and you listened and I listened I decided to give myself freedom for my 44th birthday and like any kind of freedom it comes with a cost. Sure. But um there's really nothing more empowering than realizing and deciding that I'm worth the cost.
Cecily Mak 39:26
Yeah I open the book with the two words listen to yourself and if there's any gift that we could give to women everywhere out of this conversation it's the type of story you just shared where something doesn't feel right. We have the ability to tune into our bodies and notice physiological reactions to that thing that may not be bad. It it may be beautiful and it could be a job it could be a relationship it could be a hometown it could be a parenting thing and we we feel that and then we have the openness to a sign. Yeah we have an openness to a signal and then that next step of I am going to act on this I'm not gonna go through this any longer I'm not gonna shove down this intuitive signal you know for many many of us we get to that moment where we have a knowing and to kind of keep a steadiness and move through and then act on that when it happens is so inspiring. And I also want to honor it's really hard like we you and I can tell these stories at the end of the rainbow and like life has changed and we're healthy and we have both had cancer. We are both cheers cancer free um we have been through these enormous career shifts and you tell your story so beautifully and it's also messy.
Libby Stockstill 41:09
Yes I think that's the most important part one of the reasons I feel like it's so important to be having this conversation now is so many, you know, women that I talk to people from other historically underrepresented demographics kind of under attack in this time like I keep hearing this theme and it's the theme I share, you know, um questioning whether they want to work somewhere that doesn't align with their values or contribute to things that don't align with their purpose and starting to ask these questions about like what am I contributing to with this real like growing belief and probably intuitive nudge that there's there's probably a different better way and and it's probably not going to be convenient.
Cecily Mak 41:59
Yeah.
Libby Stockstill 42:00
And you know so so my hope is that more conversations like this help people find the breadcrumbs that they need to move in alignment with what they're hearing.
Cecily Mak 42:12
Yeah. When you today know you need to tune in to your intuition and there's not a trail and bubbles and the raven what are some practices that you have that kind of give you whatever space you need to hear it.
Libby Stockstill 42:28
I've been playing with this like you get the intuitive hit and then I just do it. And like just do it. I mean after I met you I sent you an email and I was like she might think this is like really wild and forward and then I was like well your intuition thought it was a good idea so go ahead and send it and I'm so glad I followed it. And so I play with this game of listening um and I've also tapped into like intuitive painting and different things to just get me out of my logic brain. Yeah like more in my body. Beautiful I need to take lessons on that so I'll do it sometime.
Cecily Mak 43:08
Yes yes yes um a few final questions one and this is one that I asked all my season one guests and I don't always ask it but um what is something that you would tell your 2019 2020 self from where you sit today it's okay that's a good one it's okay in moments of stress I know you're not getting you know executive corporate emails anymore bless you um when something comes up and rattles your nervous system what's your go to to recalibrate if it's not one of your old older expired dimmers I love being in nature
Libby Stockstill 44:00
Um, I I if I can get to a something natural, can go for a walk, go for a hike, some kind of connection to nature. I also really love a sound bath. Um, just the, and I would say too, as I was on my undimming journey with alcohol, that really like from a just a dropping into such relaxation and just letting all the stuff melt away, that was a real um big help for me. So that's a big one. When, you know, of course, being around people that you love and um know you and can see the real you. Um, but I I also think it's just important to be able to find it within yourself, to know where you hear it. I hear it, I hear it a lot on the trail. So I I tend to try to go there to connect back into my body.
Cecily Mak 44:48
Listening to something or without?
Libby Stockstill 44:49
Without. Yeah. That was a big shift too. I I read the artist's way um somewhere in this journey. And one of the weeks you're supposed to go without, you know, without inputs. And so I started going on my morning walks without the podcast, without the book, without the all the things. And, you know, poems started arriving, like fully baked strategies started arriving. And I was like, wow, there's a lot available. So cool. Yeah. Well, in noticing what you're letting yourself be influenced by. So to your point, like choosing a podcast. So you listen to something like this, and then you give yourself space and see what it stirs up. You know, my work today with some days and in my writing and the novel that I'm working on, it's all very much around. Um I think about the intentional pursuit of big dreams, but that too can sound la di-da. And it's not, I mean the the the real that we're talking about here. And we see the glossy perfect of so much when we look around. And um, you know, you just said, like we're on the other side of it, but we know what it's like to go through it. And I think it's really important to start normalizing the messy, the hard, the real. Um, I also am very fascinated with this like midlife awakening, coming of age possibility. Um, because I I feel it and I see it and I feel like it's like very much alive, um, maybe in the zeitgeist or just beneath it. Um, so maybe I just want to say that out loud because I think I think it's always a good time to explore listening to our intuition.
Cecily Mak 46:38
And on that note, what's what's on your horizon? What's next for Libby?
Libby Stockstill 46:43
Well, um, I have been working on this novel for a while and making some intentional choices about noticing where I choose other things that might feel more comfortable or easy to get the gold star for instead of working on my novel. So um I believe I am giving myself for this birthday um space for that and um building my muscle around really having that be a central part of every day, every week, in a in a compassionate, non, not a strict way, but in a in a way that feels like an invitation.
Cecily Mak 47:25
Yeah.
Libby Stockstill 47:25
Beautiful. Yeah. Beautiful.
Cecily Mak 47:27
How do we find you? Where do we follow you? Where's your non-anonymized writing online?
Libby Stockstill 47:34
Uh, createsomedays.com. Um that's my, you know, writing that emerges from my coaching training. Um I also have a website that's it's a little more rough and experimental. It's called Soliloquy on Imperfectionism. Wow. And it's very much that. It's me being imperfect and expressed. Um, I'm on Instagram at create.sumdays, create.sum dot days. Um, and you know, all the places. And you do you have some retreats work also? I do, yes. Is that through your website that people would find that? Yes, it's through some days. Okay. Yes.
Cecily Mak 48:16
I so appreciate you joining us today, Libby. Thank you so much for having me. Thank you for being willing to share a little bit more than what we might get from your more public shares to date. Yeah. And I am really touched by your story, also, particularly around your work with your physical health and its connection to your intuition and your voice. Thank you. And um, we may never know the ripple effect of this podcast, but thank you so much. Thank you. Beautiful. You've been listening to Undimmed. I'm Cecily Mack. Our guest today was Libby Stockstill. She's the founder of Some Days, where among other things, she offers retreats in the forests of Idle Wild. Her retreats are alcohol and phone-free, because for her, that is the only way to actually tune in to that quiet voice within us. Her Instagram is at create.sum.days. You'll find links to Libby's coaching, her retreats, and her writing, including her site Soliloquy on Imperfectionism, in the show notes. Undimmed is produced by Joanne Jennings with video editing by Kai HartLife, music from Lara and Sarah, and social media and marketing support from Megan Belden. To make sure you don't miss an episode, you can subscribe to Undimmed on YouTube, Spotify, or Apple Podcasts, or really anywhere you listen. And if you like what you're hearing, we would be so grateful for your review. Your words, your comments help this work find the people who will be touched by it. Finally, season two continues with a new episode every other Friday and a substack offered by me biweekly in between. Thank you so much for joining us. Be well.